Best Fruit Cake Ever

Just in time for the holidays . . .

1 c. butter	1 tsp. salt
1 c. sugar	Lemon juice
4 large eggs	1 c. brown sugar
1 c. dried fruit
1 tsp. baking powder	Nuts
1 tsp. baking soda	1 or 2 qt. whiskey

This is delicious. Read directions carefully!

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right.

To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tablespoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the whickey is of the finest quality. Cry another cup.

Open second bottle if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups dried fruit, and beat til high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whickey again, checking for conscisticity.

Then sift 3 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter. Sample the whickey. Sift one half pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, and wix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Now, pour the mhole wess into the coven and ake. Check the whickey again, and bo to ged.